my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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