Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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