Jerry, you need to find god
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
