My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
