Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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