Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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