That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
His hands were made for my vagina.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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