you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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