he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize