Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
