Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
