I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
