is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
