he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
