hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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