Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
