What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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