I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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