I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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