If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
