Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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