I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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