John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
