just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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