I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize