Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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