you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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