why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
