I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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