I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
