Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
