it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
