i think my tv is drunk
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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