she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
