4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We left the knife in your bed.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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