you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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