escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
