Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
