I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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