Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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