i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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