i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
