i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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