I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
