is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
