Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
