Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
