Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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