I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
