it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
