the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize