I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
