Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
