69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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